DEAR …. whoever you are,

I know i’m a total stranger to you… But i don’t know why, knowing that someone actually would read this makes me think that it might make me feel better. ( how lost are you now ? )

How should i deal with parents who don’t give a damn about me ?
I’m old enough to take my old decisions, leave my parent’s place and start my life and whatever but i never learned how to.
For the past 20 years, i’ve been wondering if my mom would change but so far, she just has been pushing me away. Further and further .

I feel like the way i was raised was to push people away.
I’m always looking for something i can’t have.
But when someone offers me help/love, i always refuse/deny it .
When someone might actually like me for who i am, i’m gonna be in denial and push that person away.

How weird is that.
Maybe i’m just scared.
have you ever felt like you weren’t yourself anymore?

Like i used to say; it might hurt, but hurting now won’t break me.

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