Category Archives: Feelings

2014

OH well, its been a while.
I’ve been re-reading my past posts and honestly I’m wondering if I have not been carrying all the symptoms of depression over the past years.

I’m still very melancholic. Still single. Still have no idea which path I am taking. Still haven’t lost any weight.

Well well, what more ? 2013 has been a year where i’ve discovered the rave culture & I felt in love with it. Unfortunately I am not enjoying it as much as I did when I first got introduced to it because it is becoming so mainstream. Which is unfortunate.

On another note, I’ve decided to meet someone from a dating website on Dec 24th 2013.
Yep, on christmas eve. I was somewhat desperate. (A girl’s gotta do what she gotta do.) Turns out we’ve been keeping this very casual, convenient and as i like to say clean. Although I am not sure this relation is so “clean”. It has occurred to me that he has been luring around other girls via internet. He says he hasn’t been seeing anyone else & I say I wouldn’t mind if he did but this is what i’ve been telling myself and truthfully, I just don’t get the need of seing numerus people all at the same time. Isn’t it already complicated enough trying to CASUALLY see one person?
That being said, I sometimes wonder if guys think i’m an unemotional bitch.
I don’t wanna be the post-it girl, the one that sticks everywhere but I also don’t wanna be that girl that doesn’t give a F. who boy’s end up not getting attached to, or getting sick of the attitude.

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A girl can dream

Here I am writing a small post instead of studying.
Procrastination at its best.

It just happened that I started thinking about my life and I am realizing that my feelings might slowly re-appearing. Not towards someone in particular but in general.

What do I mean by that ? I’m startig to care about if someone gets mad at me.
I’m starting to want to see someone becoming maybe more than a casual encounter. I’m starting to act nicely towards people.

I guess those are stuffs that normal people face e everyday but I’m usually the kind of person hard headed that’s too afraid to involve any kind of feelings in any kind of relationship. Wether it’s friendship or just encounter.

Here, this it it.

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Monday, february 18th 2013 – No direction

Just about the moment I was going to describe my day as a failure, something out of the blue came out.
Turns out when I was thinking about letting all my hopes of getting implicated in any student activities, some other opportunities came up.

I’m actually really glad to have met some people that wants to get into this world as much as I do.

After my session with my orientation counsellor, all I figure out was that I had no clue where I was heading to in my studies.

Turns out I pretty much like everything.
I can say that I love management and she will ask me why and I can give all the reasons why I should be studying in Management.
I could say I love Marketing and give out all the reasons why I should be opting for that field instead.
My problem is that I’m not someone that has a precise opinion.

I mostly follow the “trend” as we could say.
I know I want to be successful in what I will achieve later on, no matter what I will be doing.
The only thing is that I have no clue what I’m good at .

This might seems like I’m degrading myself like my friend tells me…but from my point of view, I think of it much more as how lost I am.

direction

Any clue how I could figure out myself ?

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How can he be the perfect guy one night and act like a total jerk not even 10 hours after.
After all these years..it was the first time i’ve ever seen him acting like this.

The perfect gentlemen.

Next thing you know, he’s not giving a fuck anymore.

My high school girl crush kind of re-appeared for a split of a second.

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Lazy as fck

So recently i’ve been very but very lazy. Haven’t done any school work.
Have been skipping classes
Haven’t really been to work..
All this because i’m either a really lazy fcking person or its because I’m sick and its draining all my energy. Especially when im trying to breath.

Basically, every 2-3 months I get sick (not literally this time) of everything i my life…. I don’t know if it’s a syndrome of depression but whatsoever..

So ive been thinking a lot about how nothing in my life has changed.

Im gonna be 22 years old soon and I still haven’t been in any kind of relationship.

I’m in university but I still haven’t figure out what field I should be studying in. (if its still not too late).

I’m suppose to be move out this summer but still wasn’t able to save up $.

Still have nothing in my saving account.

Still fat as fck.

Still not likable.

Welll . Here goes many years of my life wasted on nothing !

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Time flies

You never know what could happen tomorrow or the day after.
It’s crazy how we spend most of our time procrastinating and thinking about the future…
But what if you didn’t get to live that long ?

Although it’s difficult today to see beyond the sorrow, may looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow

Happy Canada Day

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While most of the people will be out enjoying the sun or enjoying the EURO12 match,

I will be mourning in my room until i’ll have to get up and get ready to go to work.

Best way to bring me down is to get me stressed out .

Grazie tanto bro .

PS : Piercing has officially been off for 2 weeks now .Image

LOULOU

 

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WTF

what the fck is wrong with me 😦

Am i really immunized towards any guy on this planet ?

I can’t even allow myself to dance with a guy …

i think I’m mentally ill .

Love is giving someone the power to break your heart

but trusting them not to.

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