Tag Archives: feelings

2014

OH well, its been a while.
I’ve been re-reading my past posts and honestly I’m wondering if I have not been carrying all the symptoms of depression over the past years.

I’m still very melancholic. Still single. Still have no idea which path I am taking. Still haven’t lost any weight.

Well well, what more ? 2013 has been a year where i’ve discovered the rave culture & I felt in love with it. Unfortunately I am not enjoying it as much as I did when I first got introduced to it because it is becoming so mainstream. Which is unfortunate.

On another note, I’ve decided to meet someone from a dating website on Dec 24th 2013.
Yep, on christmas eve. I was somewhat desperate. (A girl’s gotta do what she gotta do.) Turns out we’ve been keeping this very casual, convenient and as i like to say clean. Although I am not sure this relation is so “clean”. It has occurred to me that he has been luring around other girls via internet. He says he hasn’t been seeing anyone else & I say I wouldn’t mind if he did but this is what i’ve been telling myself and truthfully, I just don’t get the need of seing numerus people all at the same time. Isn’t it already complicated enough trying to CASUALLY see one person?
That being said, I sometimes wonder if guys think i’m an unemotional bitch.
I don’t wanna be the post-it girl, the one that sticks everywhere but I also don’t wanna be that girl that doesn’t give a F. who boy’s end up not getting attached to, or getting sick of the attitude.

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I hate it when you talk to someone every single day and then it just stops. All of a sudden neither of you say a damn word to each other.

I hate it when …

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A girl can dream

Here I am writing a small post instead of studying.
Procrastination at its best.

It just happened that I started thinking about my life and I am realizing that my feelings might slowly re-appearing. Not towards someone in particular but in general.

What do I mean by that ? I’m startig to care about if someone gets mad at me.
I’m starting to want to see someone becoming maybe more than a casual encounter. I’m starting to act nicely towards people.

I guess those are stuffs that normal people face e everyday but I’m usually the kind of person hard headed that’s too afraid to involve any kind of feelings in any kind of relationship. Wether it’s friendship or just encounter.

Here, this it it.

20130321-211202.jpg

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Monday, february 18th 2013 – No direction

Just about the moment I was going to describe my day as a failure, something out of the blue came out.
Turns out when I was thinking about letting all my hopes of getting implicated in any student activities, some other opportunities came up.

I’m actually really glad to have met some people that wants to get into this world as much as I do.

After my session with my orientation counsellor, all I figure out was that I had no clue where I was heading to in my studies.

Turns out I pretty much like everything.
I can say that I love management and she will ask me why and I can give all the reasons why I should be studying in Management.
I could say I love Marketing and give out all the reasons why I should be opting for that field instead.
My problem is that I’m not someone that has a precise opinion.

I mostly follow the “trend” as we could say.
I know I want to be successful in what I will achieve later on, no matter what I will be doing.
The only thing is that I have no clue what I’m good at .

This might seems like I’m degrading myself like my friend tells me…but from my point of view, I think of it much more as how lost I am.

direction

Any clue how I could figure out myself ?

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DEAR …. whoever you are,

I know i’m a total stranger to you… But i don’t know why, knowing that someone actually would read this makes me think that it might make me feel better. ( how lost are you now ? )

How should i deal with parents who don’t give a damn about me ?
I’m old enough to take my old decisions, leave my parent’s place and start my life and whatever but i never learned how to.
For the past 20 years, i’ve been wondering if my mom would change but so far, she just has been pushing me away. Further and further .

I feel like the way i was raised was to push people away.
I’m always looking for something i can’t have.
But when someone offers me help/love, i always refuse/deny it .
When someone might actually like me for who i am, i’m gonna be in denial and push that person away.

How weird is that.
Maybe i’m just scared.
have you ever felt like you weren’t yourself anymore?

Like i used to say; it might hurt, but hurting now won’t break me.

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