Tag Archives: sad

No good without bad

I almost forgot to wish myself happy birthday.

As today was passing by, I had exiting news. I was even LOVING MY LIFE.

This whole week was awesome and I haven’t been that bubbly for a long time.

& of course, something bad had to happen.


I knew that weird feeling I had today in the bus would be bad news.

This sensation of having my finger cut was really unpleasant. I thought I was making up ideas and everything.

Turns out one little thing can totally crash my mood.

I get emotional over nothing serious… And that’s probably why I block every kind of feelings I would have towards someone.

How could anyone like me if I can’t even like myself ?

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Lazy as fck

So recently i’ve been very but very lazy. Haven’t done any school work.
Have been skipping classes
Haven’t really been to work..
All this because i’m either a really lazy fcking person or its because I’m sick and its draining all my energy. Especially when im trying to breath.

Basically, every 2-3 months I get sick (not literally this time) of everything i my life…. I don’t know if it’s a syndrome of depression but whatsoever..

So ive been thinking a lot about how nothing in my life has changed.

Im gonna be 22 years old soon and I still haven’t been in any kind of relationship.

I’m in university but I still haven’t figure out what field I should be studying in. (if its still not too late).

I’m suppose to be move out this summer but still wasn’t able to save up $.

Still have nothing in my saving account.

Still fat as fck.

Still not likable.

Welll . Here goes many years of my life wasted on nothing !


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DEAR …. whoever you are,

I know i’m a total stranger to you… But i don’t know why, knowing that someone actually would read this makes me think that it might make me feel better. ( how lost are you now ? )

How should i deal with parents who don’t give a damn about me ?
I’m old enough to take my old decisions, leave my parent’s place and start my life and whatever but i never learned how to.
For the past 20 years, i’ve been wondering if my mom would change but so far, she just has been pushing me away. Further and further .

I feel like the way i was raised was to push people away.
I’m always looking for something i can’t have.
But when someone offers me help/love, i always refuse/deny it .
When someone might actually like me for who i am, i’m gonna be in denial and push that person away.

How weird is that.
Maybe i’m just scared.
have you ever felt like you weren’t yourself anymore?

Like i used to say; it might hurt, but hurting now won’t break me.

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