Tag Archives: weird

A girl can dream

Here I am writing a small post instead of studying.
Procrastination at its best.

It just happened that I started thinking about my life and I am realizing that my feelings might slowly re-appearing. Not towards someone in particular but in general.

What do I mean by that ? I’m startig to care about if someone gets mad at me.
I’m starting to want to see someone becoming maybe more than a casual encounter. I’m starting to act nicely towards people.

I guess those are stuffs that normal people face e everyday but I’m usually the kind of person hard headed that’s too afraid to involve any kind of feelings in any kind of relationship. Wether it’s friendship or just encounter.

Here, this it it.

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DEAR …. whoever you are,

I know i’m a total stranger to you… But i don’t know why, knowing that someone actually would read this makes me think that it might make me feel better. ( how lost are you now ? )

How should i deal with parents who don’t give a damn about me ?
I’m old enough to take my old decisions, leave my parent’s place and start my life and whatever but i never learned how to.
For the past 20 years, i’ve been wondering if my mom would change but so far, she just has been pushing me away. Further and further .

I feel like the way i was raised was to push people away.
I’m always looking for something i can’t have.
But when someone offers me help/love, i always refuse/deny it .
When someone might actually like me for who i am, i’m gonna be in denial and push that person away.

How weird is that.
Maybe i’m just scared.
have you ever felt like you weren’t yourself anymore?

Like i used to say; it might hurt, but hurting now won’t break me.

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